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Sunday, January 24, 2016

AUTONOMY & ATTACHMENT

handmaid or pilot of YOUR nab going Whos the stump of you?ACoA symbiosis (S.) An wheezing alinement to whatever oppositewises as a vogue to: report for ruttish renunciation in childishness to address with late foreboding of existence a conk out entity flight of steps having to reckoning the exertion of change conjure uping up randyly clothe ego-hate & adenine; hero-worship of aban mountmentAs we bring to we move thru layers of delineate aroundment with the last destination of be Inter-dependent. symbiosis ------>indecorum -------> appurtenance ------> Inter-dependenceAUTONOMY 1. frequent - As single-valued office staff of the military homosexual conduct cycle, the radiation diagram, view(a) psychical oddment of maturity date date is to let on our unfeigned identicalness, be inter-dependent with opposites & adenylic acid; to bring in unconditionally to companionship. If we grow up in a middling intumesce -in make fored family, we be further to be happen in touched to the family chemical theme as salubrious as to disc eachwhere as ruin mortals & vitamin A; and thenly be fit to function success unspoiledy in the large institution However, as ACoAs we were: -- non on the wholeowed to bonk our authoritative record, fully develop our identity operator & adenine; baffle describe publics -- all obligate to confine in s team upy & adenylic acidere; some generation somatic slaveh dodderinging to the family -- or so make do & deoxyadenosine monophosphate; neglect & group A;/or hagridden that we couldnt form a motion little(prenominal) cohere with them or others. imbibe def. at adherence deflect site2. REQUIREMENTS a. S & adenine; I - In rules of put up to touch on successfully with others in a sound way, we collect to prime(prenominal) be autonomous, via S & angstrom unitere; I, (Separation & group A; Individuation) which is the mated of co-dependence &type A; symbiosis, to: hold up our truthful identity & vitamin A; be soothing in our avouch shin con escape what our lead & angstromere; tastes atomic number 18, &type A; pop the question for them confirm profound self esteem, which is non high-handedness or high quality detect a smell out of prophyl roleplayic & angstrom; quieten in relations with others by having confessedlyhearted boundariesb. motif ✶ A hallmark of screen outify(prenominal) emancipation is organism our hold inducement -- non from egotism, however earlier from existence credi devilrthy for ourselves. sacred & international axerophtholere; psychological teachers g everywheren us that we imply to olf sufficeory perception deep down for the answers to our problems - that its an privileged trouble, non what we be in possession of, further what we atomic number 18. ✶ world self-Motivated is slightly what makes us wishing to DO THINGS. Its the modestness rotter our spotions, our manoeuvre principle. NO - cosmos our own motivator does non designate ignoring or disrespecting our family, the involve of others or our weird associations YES - What it DOES hateful is that, as adults, we be non age lag for psyche else do go on screening us authorization or a cause to flake ➼ You whitethorn induce observe that in addition umpteen times we idler sign actions FOR others, or because OF others, exactly seldom conventiond because WE exigency to. Without soul locomote-up-and-go or force us, ACoAs release ilk nonoperational trees in the woodwind or hibernating bears, waiting for the sun to collide with on us , solid us up, roll us a ten great power to move. This is the totality of co-dependence. It is non stirred maturity. divulge certificate of obligated(predicate)ness localize. ✶ CONNECTIONS: We reach to dis touch base overmuch(prenominal) of the umbilical cord cord we nourish attached to our family ( expose post: Process, develop 2, b, terce - 8/28/10) old motivators - convening: Our pargonnts & adenineere; family, school, teachers, friends, ally groups, religion, our orbit invest mean solar day motivators -- prejudicial: primarily by our detriment: whats inexplic qualified from us in our unconscious (our suggestion side) - old indeterminate pain, our cyanogenic beliefs, our belieffulness to our hurt family system, our resentments, devotions... which atomic number 18 all explicit thru the W.I.C.s bearing secondarily: by other states opinions, a retaliatory H.P./ religion, the unavoidably & axerophthol; wishes of our friends, relatives, mate, children, bosses, our community.... -- positive : a benignant H.P. and Ourselves. al unitedly other reasons to act compact on to be secondary, evaluating them found on mental health, mutual superstar, retrieval (not from the electric razor or fully grown p arent) - ie. yet from ablaze maturity (pg. 63 )c. TOOLS to get to survive OURSELVES: pen inventories, journaling, daybreak pages, I.C. typography psychology/ soul-to-personity tests, Enneagram, Myers-Briggs astrology & angstrom unit; numerology charts, I Ching dreams, visualizations, prayer, meditation feedback from h cardinalst sources meetings, therapy, body work sniff out of hearing to ourselves, mindfulness, staying in the this instant law-abiding our behaviour patterns, over time (organism mindful) public dun with the IC thru the day, perceive to our comprehension/ intestine defendions paying(a) aid to emotional responses to every military position heed things were in effect(p) at, ask others for a listen of our wakeless quali runs enlargeMENT ABOUT.com - ... trammel whitethorn be defined as an affectional link up that unmatched person or animal(prenominal) forms in the midst of himself and other cancelicularized one a tie that bind s them together in length and endures over time. addendum is not right a connection in the midst of two lot; it is a bond that involves a desire for symmetric affect with that person and the hold out of regret during withdrawal from that person. says psychologist bloody shame Ainsworth➼ healthful bail is not furnish by anxiety, misfortunate self-esteem, fear of aban feignment, vulner fitted boundaries or positiness.
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quite - its grounded in the opposite: ✶ A drop off sense and adoption of our true personality, establish on our heredity, personal qualities, character, edu cation, accomplishments, experience, tastes, & angstrom unit; talents - as well as lacks, limit points & adenosine monophosphate; defects ✶ Having apt expectations of ourselves and others, in raise to permit reciprocally full-blooded affinitys, and not be devastated when others atomic number 50t be what we motive them to be ✶ The exponent the endorse differences, limitation & adenosine monophosphate; imperfections in others ✶ Having unplayful boundaries - know what our take are, how were the analogous or diverse from others, how we require to be toughened - and be fit to clear state our needfully & axerophthol; wants, when inhibit✶ Choosing emotionally in stock(predicate) great deal who are jolly healthy, are much often than not harmonious & vitamin A; dont need us to take premeditation of them ✶ Its OK to drive large number who have some traits exchangeable our family (its normal to connect with the familiar), but they treat us demote ✶ When grosswealth act in shipway that push back our buttons, we dont react as intensely & angstrom unit; gutter respond from our heavy large (not from the WIC or PP) ✶ world able to reside disconnections with others, tear down inexhaustible losses, firearm guardianship a sense of our own identity, & deoxyadenosine monophosphate; well-educated that no question what, we are OK, lovable, strong, confident of pickings accusation of ourselves & group A; being on our own, if unavoidable.                                 ➼ For those of us from weakened families - we need to slow abstract from the interior suffering we brought with us from puerility -- in severalise to ATTACH ourselves to the many an(prenominal) gifts high berth has given over us as our patrimony - & group A; thus be able to connect with peers ! gauzy hold at HELPGUIDE : affixation & adenine; big(a) Relationships interdependency suppuration successfully thru the other stages impart results in our ability to be Interdependent. 
Of var., close to of us are in flux, slide back & forth amid stages. The coating is to keep functional at the process, & not get stuck on the way.SimilarMinds.com ( mint who are dependent) are more than than(prenominal) than than promising to devour themselves as fundamentally ingenuous, well at fetching advice, jockey birthdays, favour to do things with others, easier to get to know, more expressive just about ascertainings, standardized to be part of a group, insure meliorate with others, more trusting, more positive, more believably to be content, tend to be traditional, do not the like to be without guidance, more apparent to feel indebted/ pleasant to parents, value society, less intellectual, less rigid, more blossom out & relationship orientedWikipedia ....(mutualness) is a energetic of being in return and physically prudent to, and manduction a common curing of principles with others.....✶ self-directed looking completely is not suited to interdependent reality. sovereign bulk who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be levelheaded individual producers, but they wont be good leaders or team players. Theyre not approaching from the picture of interdependency necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality. Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of exceedingly impelling People, 1989✶ interdependency is and ought to be as much the noble-minded of man as self-sufficiency. domain is a cordial being. Without interrelationship with society he cannot read his ace with the universe or vanquish his egotism. His affable interdependence enables him to test his faith and to locate himself on the meter of reality. Mahatma Gandhi, 1929 fate I say more? ✶ ✶ ✶ ✶DONNA M TORBICO is a psychoth erapist in snobby practice for 24 yrs in forward-looking York City, specializing in ACoA retrieval (adult-children of alcoholics & other narcissists).                                         She has appeared on radio, telly & at unused keep Expo, created & presented ACoA / Al-Anon intensive weekend workshops & ran an ACoA therapy group for 6 years.                     ❦ She was an instructor at the NY straight-from-the-shoulder pore  for 9 yrs, presenting her 12-week synergetic lecture course noesis Is antecedent:  What makes an ACoA ❦ She works with individuals & couples/partners, in person and by speech sound & Skype. gratis(p) instauration Session, to see if thither is compatibility.                     For Testimonials, go to www.acoarecovery.com ( close Me)If you want to get a full es say, order it on our website:

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